using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
