that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
