it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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