sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
