I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
