Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
