I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
