i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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