i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
