it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
