Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
