I think my vagina is haunted
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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