You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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