You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
