Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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