i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
