I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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