Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
