my mouth tastes like poor choices
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
