I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
