MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
