if you like me you must not know who I am
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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