im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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