butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I need help removing her.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
