Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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