U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I will die if light touches me.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
