where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
