I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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