I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
