did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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