That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
