Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
