this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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