I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
