WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
