After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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