Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
someone owes me an orgasm
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
