Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
