: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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