Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
