i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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