Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
