so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
