I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
