I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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