I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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