do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
