I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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