No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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