I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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