Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
