I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
