so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
